8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
