The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
