I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
