Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
