Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
