so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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