i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
