After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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