One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
