I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
