If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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