Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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