Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize