she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
