We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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