Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Welp...herpes.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
