I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
