So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
