Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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