At least make sure they are 18
Why
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
