ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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