I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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