All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
