I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
