I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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