Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
