I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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