I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
