OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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