Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the day after is always just damage control
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
