I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
