dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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