Midget sex pt 2 tonight
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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