If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
