I smell stomach acid.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
