The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize