Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
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