This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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