dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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