pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
