Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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