We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
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