Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
