Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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