Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(201): View more from New Jersey

we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees

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(607): View more from New York

We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.

Fav 10 3263 1327
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(585): View more from New York

complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.

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(419): View more from Ohio

Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...

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(207): View more from Maine

I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling

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(541): View more from Oregon

definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass

Fav 6 1796 975
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(865): View more from Tennessee

My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.

Fav 5 223 102
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(208): View more from Idaho

Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out

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