go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
