DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
