Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
