Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
time to smoke my breakfast
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
