Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
