I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
