Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
