Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My life is pants optional.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
