A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
