wrigley field is MILF paradise
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
my being single is dangerous.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
