38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
