I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
