As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
