yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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