You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
