All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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