Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
