I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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