I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
