Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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