dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
