I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize