OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
