Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
