a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
