as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
my penis made a compromise with my morals
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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