He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
