Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
