My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
