my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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