Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I think your dad took our porno
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
