i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
