mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
