things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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