I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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