Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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