Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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