I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize