this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
tell your sister to shave her snatch
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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