Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
