he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
