Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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