you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
