She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
