he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize